Holes allow for pretty shadows

All right world ;)
I have some time to waste online so maybe I'll grace you with some introspective Meghan ramblings. We haven't had any of those for a while.



Ask me anything you like
I'll reveal everything
I will treasure the truth
You could know anything
I am but a fool to play unaware of things
If I'd treasured the truth
I would tell it to you
I'm coming down to tell you what I know
To say what's real, to let you know
Where I have been and how I had to

Sleep on needles
You'll believe you are hard
Sleep on needles
And hear only the truth

Am I likely to succeed with the way things are?
Judging by your smile
You are holding something back
I'm sleepless around midnight
There's a change in the wind
The remembrance of things you used to hold back
I come around each time your notes are high
To tear you down and drag you up
To let you know what's going on while I

Sleep on needles
You'll believe you are hard
Sleep on needles
And hear only the truth
- Sondre Lerche ~ Sleep on Needles


Truth, yeah I came here today to muse about truth. Not really but its a commendable topic to tangle with.

What's wrong with the truth? Why does it elude every being on earth until it is too late? Mmmm yeah, good questions...hah no answers. I don't lose sleep over the things I'm no longer sure of anymore, like some others do, but I can't say that I never did. I've lain awake and stared at familiar ceilings, wondering if life was really all about floundering for answers that would never come. I may still be young and make mistakes, but I know that when you force things nothing goes smoothly. Rather, they'll run away. It's just a sneaky sort of thing. Slippery like an eel, and sinuous like oil in water. It has more animal qualities than human ones, so for the purposes of anthropomorphizing Truth, it is, to me, like a skulking wolf hound. The truth is skittish. Its like a once-beaten dog. It likes to be sure the arms to which it flees will shelter and secure it from all harm and threat. It might bite you if you move too fast, and leave you reeling in shock from the encounter. Truth can hurt both itself and others by moving too quickly or too slowly. It is a powerful creature, full of vigor as well as trepidation and wariness.

I won't lie. I find truth a reprimandable beast. Too often does it hide from me, in the shadows of the woods, or maul me from behind when I misstep in the game of life. There's very little understanding or communiction between Truth and I. So I have learned to live without it, only the shadow and hint of it, and I think it has lost interest in me. After all, prey is only entertaining when it thrashes, and answers are only balms when you ache for release from some sort of agony. I neither ache nor thrash anymore. I don't require truth, though I'd like it to be freely given.

I have wounds, which some truths would heal permanently, but don't we all? And should I consider those holes in the fabric of my being all the time, or enjoy the way they allow light to filter through my porous soul? I cast pretty patterns on every wall I pass, because of what life has made of me. I enjoy who I am immensely, more now than ever, because I realize I still have the capacity to surprise myself.

With every rising of the sun I find new ways to try and maintain sanity and comfort without relying on other people. Self-strength, I think, is the best way to be whole. You can't function or truly love someone else if you become a burden to them, and I know I have been a burden in the past.

I still make mistakes. I don't treat my body as well as I should and I don't sleep enough, eat enough, drink enough water, exercise enough. But I am making steps to it. Sometimes you just have to let go of self-care to get things done, and that's what I do. I'm learning how to make other people respect me for the reasons I want to be respected. Patience and healing come with time, both of which I need. And, perhaps with time I can woo and subdue truth to be my friend. I can turn to the questions without fear of repercussion and ask what I need in my heart to know.

Do you?
Why?
When?
What for?
Really?
Forever?
To what end?

And then my eyes will never stray or wander, because I can be sure of what someone feels, is thinking of me or a situation, if I'm doing the right things, if my health is ok, how long positivity will last, where its all going, if ill see you tomorrow, if what im doing is going to hurt someone, if what you're doing is going to hurt me. Life hurts because it is a truth-less surprise. Everything jumps on you without permission or understanding, and I would be able to live more calmly if that weren't so. But, as said, you cant demand answers.

You cant demand the feelings of another
You cant demand honesty

But you can earn it.

And, on the same token, you can make the lives of others easier by simply giving it. Giving truth. Truths may hurt but lies and conniving hurt more in the long run, and turn people off from you. They'll begin to look at you and see a closed-minded liar, and doubt your every word. Wolf crying only works in sparing times. Be a champion of truth. Allow it to see its all right to cuddle to any individual. Say what you mean no matter what and you'll be spared the deprivation of truth as well. You get what you give, at all times.

I want to give much more than I already am.

So if you have any questions you want to ask me, ask. I'll be honest, as long as you're prepared for the answers I might give. Seems fair. But bluntness will bring more bluntness. So be wary...You give what you get. if you give questions expect them, and answers for answers. And eye for an eye can also be positive, can it not?

And, on another note, my hair is really long now, whee